Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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