I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
