yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize