You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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