Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
