Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i think i just lost a toe
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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