I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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