No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
