eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
