Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize