i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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