We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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