Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
