if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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