u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
