apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
