And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
