I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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