Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
