Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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