Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
