You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
