So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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