i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
