I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
