Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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