a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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