I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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