I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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