based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
