Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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