I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This baby is an asshole
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
