just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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