Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
