i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
