now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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