I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
