I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
