and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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