I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
