I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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