This girl is more easily done than said...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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