Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
