Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize