I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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