Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
nutella sex= disaster
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
