I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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