I heard we made out
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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