If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
