You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
