he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize