It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
