My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
