O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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