is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
