Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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