i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
