So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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