I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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