at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
