literally had 100 drinks last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
