Say something about gay babies.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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