Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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