He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
