Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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