He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
