Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
