ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
