then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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