she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
