Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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