Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize